Rear ends are indeed emitting strange squeaking sounds.
Which tastefully brings you into the wacky world of made-up charts and numbers “explaining” the tonto season of SPFL action.
Modern social media driven reporting conventions dictate I must position Heart of Midlothian’s defeat at Kilmarnock as “BOTTLE CRASHING”.
Similarly, Celtic’s home win to everyone’s darlings Motherwell was a case of “BIASED REFS KEEP CELTS TITLE HOPES HANGING BY A THREAD”.
And finally, reverting to the mores of traditional Scottish media for a second “MURRAY PARK GALACTICOS SHOW THEIR CLASS TO DISPATCH HAPLESS SAINTS”.
Such student common room slapdashery is more reason why we cherish the forensic Bit of Bully family of charts.
It’s what you expected. (“Expected”, geddit? Oh, come on!)